Today I’m rushing around trying to get things done before I head outta town. I start out with a list of errands to accomplish. I’m realizing as I’m driving that I’ve forgotten most of the things I was supposed to drop off somewhere or do something with. I start to giggle. I can’t help it. Luckily, a little later on, I have to pass by my neighborhood to finish my errands, so this works out — I giggle some more. One of my errands is washing a rug I recently purchased at a yard sale. So I take it to the carwash and unroll it over the roof of my car, which takes forever coz it’s so big and bulky, and I’m feeling pretty silly next to all these guys who are washing and buffing their very spiffy looking vehicles.
I’m giggling and trying to push this big rug — have you ever tried to push a big rug while unrolling it over the roof of your car? It’s pretty crazy! So, I’m giggling more and more at my attempt at the silliest impossible thing, and after about 15 minutes of pushing and shoving and laughing at myself, this young guy comes over and says, “Would you like some help?” I start laughing even more coz underneath his very kind gesture, he’s got this incredulous look in his eyes, like, lady, are you nuts?!
Just at the moment he arrives at my rescue, I have somehow managed to get this honker rug on top of my car, all rolled out and ready to be washed, scrubbed, rinsed, minced, diced, dried, waxed, etc. So, I control my giggles just long enough to say, “Thanks, but I think I got it.”
He smiles real big, maybe of relief, and says as he turns to go, “Let me know if you need any help.”
“I will,” I promise, feeling good about his willing attitude — coz at the rate I’m going, I just might have to take him up on it.
I start spraying away with this power pressure hose thing — suds are flying everywhere — my hair and clothes are getting a nice soap-down. I’m giggling, of course. I somehow actually get some soap on the rug. Then comes the rinse and I’m out of quarters! Egad! I start laughing coz I can’t open my car doors with this big, gloppy, soapy mess covering up all the orifices. And there is no way I’m gonna take this blob home with me!
I’m standing there, staring at my car door (or what would be my car door, if I had X-ray vision) and, you know, giggling. I’m too embarrassed to ask that sweet guy if I can borrow a few quarters, so I struggle some more and get myself even more soapy, but I manage to get my car door to open about half an inch — just enough to reach in and grapple through my change bin for those precious quarters that keep sliding out my slippery, soapy fingers. I finally get a hold of 8 more quarters, and with a sigh of relief and another giggle, off I go with the power rinse cycle.
At almost zero point, I’m dousing this rug with this, like, 10-ton hydraulic pressure thing, feeling like I’m wrangling a giant python or something. I can’t help but laugh and hope no one’s watching. Yeah, right!
Believe it or not, I get finished with the rinse cycle with little mishap. Whew! Then I stand there staring at my car, adorned with a very clean rug. “Hmmm. . . now what do I do?,” I ask myself. That rug is now even more impossible to move. “Well,” I deduce, “that thing ain’t going nowhere. I might as well just drive it home like this.”
With a happy little giggle (I swear, I’m not high on anything, other than my own hare-brained ideas and their consequences), I climb into the car, getting dripped on and smooshed with wet rug. And off I go! Of course, I can’t see through any windows or the rear windshield, but I figure, hey, I don’t live very far.
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. That crazy thing flew off like a kite in a wind storm! YIKES! Now I could see through the windows, but I couldn’t see through my tears of laughter! I just couldn’t believe it! I snorted and chortled and found a place to pull over and turn around.
So there I was, parked in the left-turn lane, my emergency flashers on — this wild Indian pulling at this blob of wet tonnage! What little strength I had left was drained by my laughter. I just couldn’t help it. I kept laughing and laughing and pulling and yanking and pushing and getting wetter and wetter. Then this car pulls up behind me and I’m thinking, “Oh, how sweet, someone’s gonna help me.” But then, he makes a left turn. Ding-dang!!!!
Then this young guy appears out of nowhere, with a small back pack and a big, white grin and says, “Can I help you?”
I’m laughing, and nodding and he smiles. We actually get that thing inside my car and he’s about to disappear and I say, “Hey, you wanna ride?”
And he says, “No, I need the exercise.”
“Oh, com’on!” I insist.
He pauses and looks me up and down and says, “Well, you don’t look like a serial killer.”
I laugh and reply with a devilish grin, “Looks don’t always convey the truth.” He got in anyway.
I gave him a ride to the dollar store and said, “By the way, you know anyone that wants a kitten?” since one of my errands that day is to find homes for 3 kittens!!!
He looks at me and smiles and says, “I was just thinking about adopting one.”
“Wow! How serendipitous!” I exclaim.
So, I’m about to drive off, and then I realize that one of my errands is to get cat litter. So, I re-park my heavily sodden car, and jump out and get cat litter. I’m at the check-out and some guy jumps ahead of me with some stuff he’s buying and he says to me, “Sorry, I had forgotten something and I had to go back.”
“Oh sure!” I giggle at him, “I’ve heard that before!”
“Just for that,” he retorts, “I’m gonna pay for your cat litter!” This is a true story!
“Ok,” I say, “but I’m gonna help you carry your stuff to your car.”
“Nope,” he says, “I’m a gentleman.” I’m giggling as I grab my free cat litter, and open the door for him.
“Hey,” I call after him, “do you want a kitten?”
thanks to: http://images.yourdictionary.com/carwash for picture