I recently saw Sparkle, a movie that came out several years ago. It’s a story about a girl group getting started in Motown, back in the 60s.  Some say it has some similarities to the story of Diana Ross and the Supremes.  It’s about 3 sisters who perform the songs that one of them writes, and how they make it big.  But because of some devastating events, only one of them goes on to enjoy lasting success as a writer and performer.

It was interesting for me to watch this very emotionally intense story because of my own desire to be successful in the music world, and also because I identified with the personal struggles that each one of them went through in some way.

So much of my growing up years was about pleasing my parents – doing what was “right”  — living up to somebody else’s dreams. I think a lot of us can identify with that.

Nothing I did was enough to win the love and appreciation and acceptance of my father.  He had his issues, as we all do.  Over the years, I’ve learned to let him have his issues without judgment or wishing he had been different.  It’s a process – a road to peace.

In recent years my focus has been caring about me and believing in my dreams — taking myself under my own wings, appreciating myself –  which definitely takes the pressure off relying on others to make me feel good about who I am and what I dream.

The other thing that felt really good about that movie was watching these girls, the writer in particular, be so passionately devoted to their desires, and not give up, despite the formidable resistance and threats of the mother, and other terrifying circumstances.

It really gave me hope.  It energized that place in me that sometimes wanes when I think of the music industry.  It gave me a big spark!

thanks to:  http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/sparkle/  for photo

Recently I heard of a lovely, intelligent woman who started dating someone. The guy was interesting, intelligent, passionate, fun, devoted and good-looking. She enjoyed his company immensely and found herself starting to fall in love with him. But soon he became difficult, argumentative and generally very unpleasant to be around.

She broke it off with him and was sad but felt she had done the right thing. She believed there would be other men who would come into her life that would be closer to what she really wanted in a partner. She also realized that she had begun doubting herself when she was around him. Was she saying the right thing? Was she being what he needed or wanted in his life? Was she responding to him in a way that would enhance his sense of self? Was it herself that was provoking his anger and moodiness?  Was she good enough for him? Was she everything she could be for him in order for him to feel good about himself? Was she providing the emotional support he needed? Was she good enough? Was she good enough?

Trying to change ourselves in order to appease the beast in some else’s dark lair, never works.  It only feeds the monster.  It drains our energy.  It robs us of the truth of who we are.

So much crap we put ourselves through, right? Old tapes that are just barely hanging on by a very thin piece of worn plastic.  Time to throw them all out!

Like chains falling off . . . time to fly!

thanks to  www.youwall.com for image

a flying kiss

what can earn
but the fire of courage
in a heart that opens
the eye
and strikes
the limit of fear
resolved to pass
thru illusion
and create
the unknown

can I
can you

illusion
seen but not comprehended
grasping for attention
to make it real

I set myself free to be
real
beyond and behind it
just enough to reach
the thickness of
gravity’s grip
this side of a shimmering wisp
a few sublime molecules
binding to catch

a kiss

—-shashi light